DATE: 18 May 1997 - Circulation: 1 - Separate issues : 25.7c - Back Issues: Call! |
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The Problem Scientists Open Amazing Jumpgate!The world of science turned upside down |
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DELTA QUADRANT - Today The Problem Industries have announced that
their R/D department, headed by some of the world leading scientists and
engineers, have succesfully opened a jumpgate.
This thrilling new discovery will allow cyber-travellers to get to their
desired destination faster, cheaper and, above all, safer! No more hassle
with passing through totally uninteresting or hostile sites, no more
tediously slow and expensive galaxy-searchers! "The gate, when used
properly, will open the way for a whole new era of cyberspace exploration in
which the cyber-nauts are finally in control of their own destination" says
an enthousiastic Tao, head of the TP cyber-science department. The new
invention is coupled to an ever growing database of nice and pleasant
locations to jump to. A special branch of TP will be created that will
comb out cyberspace to provide jumpgate travellers with an always up to
date list of interesting jumps. Several of the worlds most renouned brains
have congratulated TP with their bold new discovery. Amongst them
Stephen Hawking "I told you I was right! Perhaps people will now finally
start reading my book about it!" and Arthur C. Clark, author of 2001 and
inventor of the communication-satellite, now in retraite on Sri-Lanka, he
ponders the mysteries of these and other worlds, but that's totally besides
the point "Jumpgate is certainly an interesting option but if you want to
know my full opinion, watch my program on friday" Not all parties are in
high spirits. The NASA (Nuke All Space Aliens) for example has warned,
eventhough they don't have any scientific basis for it, that
jumpgate-travel might cause cancer. |
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Snack TestedAALTEN - One of the new TP members has successfully completed his 'Bugles get to know them' test! Although he was a little sceptic at first, he later admitted cheerfully that the corny buggers actually taste quite allright.Bugles are a type of food that is perfectly suited for members of The
Problem. Many other snacks have been tried, but none of them can really
match what many people now refer to as 'The Nacho Cheese Experience'. Big
Mama, the original inventor of the Bugle, was on the scene to monitor the
test.
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MAOTE - The Problem's most adventurous member, Infinity, will be
hosting you in a series of articles in Probe Online about the good work he
does for various organisations and musicians from all over the world.
Many bands have had the pleasure already to be able to participate in the same show as The Problem's Infinity, and now he is planning to share some of the joy with everybody who is willing to read. He will be bringing a series of party and concert reviews from a point of view that few have ever seen. As a lightjockey he knows all the ins and outs of the dangerous music and party industry. When asked what he liked the best about his work, Infinity smiled and said: "Well... the girls mostly", followed by "...euh I mean...". Since I am a reporter I refused to let him finish his sentence though. The reviews can be found on the site in the section Probe. |
PROBECurrently TP are laying their hands on Probe Online. This part of the site is going to be totally reworked within the next few weeks. No statements have been made about what exactly is going to happen to Probe Online, but it seems that big plans are ahead. With you, our reporters will keep a close whatch on what's in store. HEAD OFFICE - In the previous issue of this newspaper we accidentally referred to this issue as being the next issue. This was a mistake, since there never was a previous issue of this paper to begin with. We are sorry if this has caused inconveinience in some way for our readers. |
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SITE - This website features a number of articles will be updated frequently. First there is the page called 'The Heart & Soul Of Me' by miss Woodward in Probe. Also in Probe is the Party Review page by Infinity. In Audioscapes there are a Top Ten List and a Record Reviews page by Tao. Whenever the pages are updated, The Daily Problem will report. Come to think of it, The Daily Problem is also a frequently updated page, so that makes five! |
Site Of The WeekBUSSUM - The Problem's website has been the site of the week for a famous Dutch radio station. Since then, Radio 538 has been more popular than ever before!At the official press conference about this, the president of the station - mr. Black E. - stated that he "never saw anything like this before... It's just... you know... wow!". The Problem responded with a cool nodd and said that "oooh it's nothing". Although Radio 538 is a Dutch station, everybody around the world can listen to them using Real Audio. Especially the saturday night program 'The Dance Department' is a real winner. It's a dance/party show and it lasts for - tatataaa - 12 hours! You can use the Jumpgate to visit their site. |
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ENSCHEDE - The Audioscapes section of the website has been extended with a regularly updated record review page. The page is managed by The Problem's own DJ Tao. The new review page has already been announced in Audioscapes. It will feature a host of reviews of good vinyl. All styles are present, so for everyone who has a taste for real house music, this is the place to check out before running off to a recordshop. The page will be updated frequently, so there's always something new to be found! |
When you sign up a new member now, you will receive an all expense paid trip to Hawaii! We are just kidding! |
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