Why not in Latvia?

Who cares about Latvia?

Why not in Latvia?

Who cares about Latvia?


Chapter 1: Nena

"Hallo? Jah? Hallo? Aaaah, Herr Klingemann! What is the problem?". Gunter was surprised to get a call from the father of his viance. "They did what? They... you got to be kidding! Really? Schweinhunde! With my viance?". With a dark red face Gunter hung up. "Claus! Claus! Come over here...They've got Renate!". The tall slender man called Claus came over from his desk to that of Gunter. "Who has got her?" "They!... You know... They... Just like in the movies!" "Mmmm I've always wondered who 'they' are! I've read quite a lot about them. I even did part of my examination-report about them. Lots of info around, but nothing solid." "Yeah. Damn bastards!" Gunter flipped the switch of the intercom. "Hallo? Jah? Nena? I want 99... eeuh I mean 5 men for a heavy job. Involves..." he almost whispered when he said it...

"It involves...T-H-E-M."
"Sorry sir... I'll see to it immediately!" said Nena.

Nena was a woman of about 28, long red hair with curls. She had worked as a singer for a little while, but her group turned out to be just a lot of hot air. They had had no more than one hit. "Them! Them! Oh my god! It's.... it's... them... I must get Franz, Laurent from Interpol, eeeuh Heinrich, perhaps Dereck... yes Dereck should be in on it. Them..." her mind went back to 5 years ago. She was with her band performing on stage in Stuttgart when they had forced their way into her dressing room. They had silvery greenish bags over their heads. The bags had something like "bugeln" printed on them. "Work for us! You'll be well taken care of..." the voice behind the bugeln-bag had said. She had said she needed time to think and strangely enough they apologised for the broken door and left, saying that they would return later. Nena had then decided not to wait for further doors to be broken and immediately quit the singing bizz. "Them..." the buzzer awoke her from her daydream.

"Hallo? Jah? Nena, do you have the names I asked you for?" "Jah herr Gunter. Franz, Laurent from Interpol, Heinrich and Dereck" "Verdammt Nena! I asked you for 5 names! Not 4!" "Sorry sir... Theo perhaps?" "Gut! Assemble them in the briefing room in 1 hour." Gunter started checking intelligence. Interpol had sent some reports about them. A strange group it was. Untouchable, wanted by every nation in the world except for Latvia. The martians were rumoured to have put a price on their heads. Even MI5 only had a very thin file about them. Gunter had a lot of trouble getting his act together. His viance! The schweinhunde! Shitty schei▀ manner! The CIA didn't want to give him any info, but hey, that's what the CIA is for isn't it?

Nena poured the coffee for Laurent from interpol who had entered the briefingroom (late, as usual). He picked it up, drunk it, and put down the empty cup before Nena could pour a cup for anyone else in the room, so she returned to his seat and poured him another one. The same thing happened over and over again until the coffee was all gone. "Thank you very much for the coffee, it was delicieux!" "Mmmm, I wouldn't know" Gunter said, "since I didn't have any... Okay, enough to drink, let's get down to business!" "I Agree" "I know, thanks for your contribution to this conversation Heinrich. Gut! We've got very little to go on in this case, so this shouldn't take long." As he said this he pointed at a large empty sheet of paper labeled 'Clues'.

"I Agree"
"Yes...eeeuh, we don't know exactly who they are, but I think we all know what kind of criminals we are dealing with here."
"Yes! We all know that, so why tell us?"
"I Agree!"
"I'm paid by the hour you know! Okay, so they're wanted in every country of the world, except for Latvia, so..."
"Why not in Latvia?"
"Who cares about Latvia?"
"I Agree!"
"There isn't much Latvia to care about anyway."
"Manner! Pay attention please!"
"I Agreee!!!"
"What I am trying to say is..."
"BRAVO! BRAVO!" yelled Claus "...is that we desperately..."

Bzzzzzz, the buzzer again: "Hallo? Jah? THEY were spotted in the otherwise empty warehouse nextdoor!" "Thank you Nena!" Well manner, I suggest we get moving!" "I Agree!!!!!". With the usual accidents, (Franz dropping his paper and Claus dropping his empty cup on his head while trying to pick them up, and Dereck dropping Laurent on top of the heap) the men left the briefingroom and went out into the streets. The warehouse wasn't actually next door. They were used to Nena mixing up the drycleaners with another site, for example one to be examined. They walked past the drycleaners next door and into the Rosenstra▀e. Walking along the waterways, Gunter said "Let's kick some ass when we get there!" "I AGREEEE!!!".

As one man the all stopped, picked up Heinrich and threw him into the water...

"What are we going to do once we get there?" asked someone. "Standard police procedures mann! Don't you know anything? Haven't you read the... OH NEVER MIND!" screeched Gunter. "I Agree!... zjust kiddiing" "Watch it Laurent from Interpol" was the answer.