Chapter 6: Skaborsky Gigagorovic
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"Well well gentlemen. How nice of you to 'drop in' haha" "haaahaahahahaaha" yelled a Very Small man that probably was his aide. The cybernetic arm made a fast movement, slamming the elbow right into his face... "Sorry boss"

"I've been expecting you. My name is Skaborsky Gigagorovic. I'm the leader of the Latvian Freedom Fighters (LFF). What you are looking at here is what we like to refer to as Project S.U.C.K. You are now whitnessing the birth of a new world. Too bad you won't live to tell the tale. After we'd defeated the Sovjets, we had nothing to do, and we got bored. So, we decided it would be fun to take over the whole world and make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race. Well, I consider MySelf (MS) the most important part of the entire human race. To do this we had to pick on the largest half of the population, which are the women. Here you see our hitech laboratory in which we produce something that all of them needs. New AllDays. And I can assure you that it SUCKS! All women will explode because this stuff sucks so hard that none of them will be abled to get it off. Nothing gets out... They will slowly start to fill up and after a few weeks they will burst open! Oh my GOD! it will be Hell On Earth!"

"YUCK!" yelled Theo.

"Precisely! That's what it is! That's why I like this plan so much, It's so Latvia... and it SUCKS bigtime! Hahaha"

At that moment all the men in the building started to sing the Latvian anthem:

"Latvia Latvia, O Beautiful Latvia
Where The Men Dress Like Ladies,
Where The Grass Is Green and
The Coooows Eat Grass.
I Will Never Leave My Latvia
Latvia My Home Land, Latvia
You SUCK!"


"I knew you would enjoy that. Now, let's get down to business. You are now hanging over the latest in Always Bandage Cleaning Technology (ABC-Tech), called the Laundry Filth Filter (LFF, not to be confused with the Latvian Freedom Fighters I mentioned earlier) Super2000+ with optional bio waves and it's own World Wide Web (WWW) page. Cool huh? Cost me a kidney"

"Haaaahahahahahahaha" And another blow in the face for the small one...

"Stop laughing you fool, one day you'll die laughing! Anyway! Beneath your feet you see 20,000 tons of boiling used Always (with wings), being cleaned for further production. On the other side is a small opening where all the clean stuff comes out. The filth goes right back into the sewers where the bandages came from! All the clean stuff will then be transported to the cutting department where their wings are removed. These are of no use to us, since they can not be repaired properly after they have been used. It's a crap invention anyway, so there you go. The wings are set free in the woods, we are not barbarians you know! Now we get to the interesting part. At that machine over there, all the Always Ultra bandages will be stuffed with these SuperVac 95 Extra fibers and special crystals that can suck the living daylights out of anything! Next..."

"Where is Renate" interupted Gunter
"Ah! Renate! So that's her name! Well, I've got her right here..."

Renate was rudely pushed into the scene towards Skaborsky Gigagorovic.

"WOW! How come you never introduced me to your wife Gunter?" Dereck said.
"She's not my wife... not yet..."
"Maaaan, what a baywatch babe!"
"That's why!" sighed Gunter.
"And now! Ladies and Gentlemen! Prepare for the final showdown! This is the end Gunter, the buck stops here! End of the road and goodbye crewl world for you. It's time to go meet your maker! Over and.... euh... ss..."

"Yeah! Tell'm boss!" said the Very Small aide. BOFF! did MS.
OOF! did the little guy!
Crunch! did his bones.

"Let Renate go! She's just an innocent woman" yelled Gunter.
"Yeah Dude! And she having her periods and all that!" added Dereck.
"Shut up Dereck!"
"How did he know about my period and all that? Gunter???... GRRRR!"

The remote control with the Very Big antenna was aimed at our heroes. The cybernetic thumb gently squeezed the remote control. A smile appeared on the face of it's owner as the remote control was crushed by the gently squeezing thumb.

Before any of them could scream, our six heroes where already down in the LFF Super 2000+ with optional bio waves and it's own WWW (W3) page. The W3 page was immediately updated and through the miracles of modern telecommunications, 20 million people all over the globe were informed of the good news.

"Hahahahaha!" laughed Skaborsky.
"What a cliche!" thought the little man that doesn't seem to have a name in this story.
"AAAAAAAAARGH!" screamed Renate.
"What a cliche!" thought the little man that doesn't seem to have a name in this story.

The Super 2000+ was slowly beginning to become sealed off by a large lid.

"Gunter! Is this it? Is this the end?" gurgled Laurent from Interpol who was just like the others completely soaked in soaked Always.
"Yes... I... I... I guess it is. I want you all to know... that... I really enjoyed working with all of you... sometimes...", Gunter replied.
"I Agree!" blubbed Heinrich wisely.
"i love you guys, Always" whispered Theo.

Just as they were all about to be sucked through the small opening...
"Wait! I've got an idea..."

And at that point in time, the lid was completely closed, so no further sound from the inside could be heard. The big boss took Renate by her hair and dragged her out of the complex. The employees resumed their suck-job.

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Der Krimi by AlcoRhythm/Tao of The Problem
©Copyright 1998 by The Problem.
Maybe we should apologise to the Latvians when this is over...